I just read some of the most f--ked up s--t I will probably ever read.

It concerns Twilight.

Most of us have probably seen the menace that is the Twilight fantard. Blindly devoted to one of the most poorly-written series in history -- a series overflowing with Mary Sues and cliched and anticlimactic plots -- Fantardus twilightis is quite possibly the most retarded species of fantard in existence.

I hope I don't need to go on about the book's level of fail. I hope I don't need to go on about the idiocy that pervades at least 90% of the Twilight fan demographic. Allow me to get right to the point I wanted to make.

This already mindless group of fools and stereotypical 16-year-old Myspace girls has turned violent and psychotic.

For your viewing pleasure: the Twitard Attack Directory at the Twilight Sucks Forum.

Now I'll admit that the "Twilight Sucks" Forum is probably not the most objective source of information. In fact, it's probably rampantly biased. But there are things that you just can't make up; some of them are impossible to think of, whereas others, though theoretically possible to imagine, would never occur to about 98% of the human population. I believe that at least some of the attacks listed in the link above fall into the latter category.

The listed attacks include broken bones, stalkings, whippings with laptop power cords, attempted drownings, attempted throat-slittings, and in one unfortunate case, permanent blindness inflicted via a pot of acid to the face. All carried out by Twilight fans, against Twilight haters, and all provoked by nothing more than a difference in opinion. The linked attack directory has a (thankfully empty!) section reserved for murders, which I'm sure we'll be seeing soon.

Now, I think I know what some of you are thinking right now. How do we know it's Twilight? Many forms of media have been erroneously blamed for violence: comic books, television, movies, video games, rap music, hip hop music, all music... Even specific items, such as Grand Theft Auto, have been blamed. And all of these items and media forms have innocence that can be easily demonstrated through simple logic.

There is at least one factor present in all of the attacks I listed (and all of the ones listed on the page I've linked to), one factor that narrows the list of causes down to one: Twilight.

The attacks only began after the victims criticized Twilight to or while near the attackers.

Twilight fantards used to just be idiots, a self-contained blob of mindless retards devoted to one of the worst authors in history. (Don't believe me? Well, perhaps you'll believe Stephen King.) Then, with the release of the movie (or perhaps before that?), the massive literary fail became accessible to huge numbers of people, who promptly became infected with the ravenous and malevolent parasite we call Twilight fantardism.

And now they've turned violent. They're progressing, the madness and mania of their affliction slowly becoming more and more hazardous to those of us that still have functional brains.

Twilight fantards group together, forming organizations (such as fan clubs) devoted to the worship of a talentless fiction writer, oppressing and attacking all who resist them. Anybody who points out the fallacies evident in their false mythology is harassed and sometimes even physically harmed. Sound familiar?

The difference here is that the group of people they're starting to resemble... Well, the other group of people still have minds. Yes, they're deluded, but they're still capable of some form of sentient thought -- meaning that they have a chance of detecting their delusion and defecting from their captors. Twilight fantards, on the other hand, are completely brainless, and therefore will always be devoted to their book.

And, well, I don't even really know how to finish this... If y'all want, I can try and gather a list of Twilight's fallacies to serve as further evidence of its (intellectually-)destructive power, or something... But man, I'm freaked out. Like, both my sisters are Twilight fans -- and one of them graduated college! Maybe intelligent* people are immune to it or something, or maybe my college grad sister just hasn't been fully dumbed down yet, I don't know, but it's freakin' me out, man!!

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* Relative to the average American level of intelligence, which, as we all should know, is roughly equivalent with "completely f--king retarded".

Let me just say, I've only just heard of Twilight, and I already hate it and everything it stands for. My instincts were right on the money; it's a vampire romance novel. Making it even more obnoxious is how brilliant the author thinks it is to have an apple on the front cover, symbolizing the forbidden fruit. Is it really that clever? No. (Also, the forbidden fruit is supposed to be a quince, if we're referencing the book of Genesis.)

These idiots are treating this like a religion with a mandate for violence, and The Religion of Peace gives the world far more of that than it should ever have.

Knowing that these idiots have rewarded dissent with violence, I prefer to trifle with them: Twilight is stupid. No, I haven't read the book. No, I haven't seen the movie. I don't have to, because the fans make me hate Twilight, and the paper it's printed on. I understand it's premise well enough to say that it is stupid, and it was born in a marketing meeting for the sole purpose of exploiting idiots, who have behaved predictably, the point of departure being the fanatical violence. But as Dan Brown, the author of The DaVinci Code, wouldn't discouage legions of gullible soccer moms from pursuing a sorry fantasy of being related to Jesus Christ, do you suppose the author of Twilight would discouage fans, with millions to be made?

Twilight is bad, and it's fans should feel bad.

Epic reply is epic, Rai. :D

Its like one person I know says, "Vampires should suck blood, not face."

This whole story is beginning to sound vaguely like Stephen King's story 'Cell'. O_o Seriously.

Already asked you on dA, but never read Cell; what's it about?

Essentially, Cell Phones turn everyone into mindless, flesh eating zombies that run on a hive mind.
Thats the basic gist of it.

Technophobia much?

Not really.
But you have to admit, replace cell phones with Twilight, and essentially these stories are pretty close to one another.
Or maybe its just my imagination.

Cell is not a product of technophobia, but observation.

If we focus on just Americans, then it's definitely observation, yeah.

That's pretty messed up.
oh well, Twilight actually entertains me, but only through stuff like this.


Hilarious.
http://binsybaby.livejournal.com/619568.html

^@ Andyman ^

Oh my god. I am laughing so hard I cannot breathe. Best Twilight images I have ever seen oh my god.


But ahh ok. Yeah I totally heard about the acid in the eyes fiasco. I read the post on the forum, which someone had linked to me on Gaia.

LYKE SRSLY GIRLZ. WTF.

Twilight fans are insane no doubt. Alot of girls in my school adore it. Some of my friends do to. x_x

Kink taught me a fun game though. Basically, when someone talks about Twilight near you, turn to them and say "What's Twilight?" They will likely react in a hilarious "OMFG NO WAY *heart attack*" way. And then just keep asking stupid questions about the book. "Is there werewolves?" "What about robots?" "Ninjas?"

Did that with a girl at school. It was hilarious. And hey, you're not insulting the book right? So that means you won't get shanked.