Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming
around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.
The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that
patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at
being a prawn. I wish I was a shark then I wouldn't have any worries about
being eaten."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod
appears and says, "Your wish is granted," and lo and behold, Justin turned
into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being
eaten by his old mate.
Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark.
All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
Justin didn't realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and
can't believe his luck. Justin thought that maybe the fish could change
him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and
behold, he is back as a prawn. With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes,
Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.
Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught that his best
friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he
Set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories
came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend. Come
out and see me again."
"Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy
and I'll not be tricked."
Justin cried back, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.............."
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"I found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian".
A 4 year old and a 7 year old are in their bedroom first thing in the morning having a chat.
7 year old: "I think we're old enough to start swearing."
4 year old: "Yeah!!"
7 year old: "I'll swear first, then you swear."
4 year old: "Yeah!!"
They both go downstairs and sit at the breakfast table.
Mum: "What would you like for breakfast then?"
7 year old: "Well sh*t mum, I'd like some coco-pops!"
Mum look stunned and back-hands him across the room, he runs upstairs crying.
She then turns to the 4 year old.
Mum:"Well little man, what would YOU like?"
4 year old (blubbing): "I I I I don't know. But 'm not having Fu**ing coco-pops!!"
Swearing edited so as not to interfere with work filters. :P
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom
making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the
bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the
bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming,
"Oh my god, help me, there’s a bee in my
vagina!".
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor
and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a
moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a
solution to the problem if young sir would permit".
The husband being very concerned agreed that the
doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of
his wife’s vagina. The doctor said "OK, what
I’m gonna do is rub some honey over the top of
my penis and insert it into your wife’s vagina.
When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my
dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully
follow my penis out of your wife’s vagina."
The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young
lady said "Yes, yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis
with honey, inserted it into the young lady’s
vagina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said,
"I don’t think the bee has noticed the honey
yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while
the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard
indeed. The young lady began to quiver with
excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh
doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor,
concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying
himself.
He then put his hands on the young lady’s
breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband, at this point, suddenly became very
annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell
do you think you’re doing?!" he blasted.
The doctor, still concentrating, replied: "Change of
plan, I’m gonna drown the bastard!!