1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by simply getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife/girlfriend about putting down the toilet seat -- simply use the sink instead.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A simple mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, simply take a large dose of laxatives -- then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, simply use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, simply use the duct tape.