This thread, inspired by the sheer genius of Peter Chimaera, is for everyone who wants to write really crappy fanfiction for comedy purposes. Everything must be Rezephua-related. Also keep it as if it could be serious: if the comedy is blatantly obvious, it's not as funny. Peter Chimaera, for example, maintains a good balance: many people actually think he's serious.

I'll post something soonish. :)

Yay, finally a place where I can post my collection of erotic stories starring Selena and Hanzin Lorrdhe.


... I mean... duh.

Velinor return


In the aerna of death there was 2 fighters duelling (a dwarf and a dark elf). They were of equal skill and they had fighted for 4 hours but they were not able to kill the other. The slann was watching becasue he was running the arena.

But after some time a dark form apearred in the middle of the arena. The dark form was Velnior! Everyone were afraid, even the dwraf and the dark elf who were duelling.

"NO!!!" The slann said. "Its imposible, your supposed to be dead!"

"Hahaha" Velinor said with a evil smile. "You enderstimated me, foollish old frog!!! At a long last the time for revange has came for me and now I'll kill you for good! DIE!!!!!"

He throwed a fire-ball at the slann but the slann was fast and he made a sheild around him. The fire-ball hit the shield and did nothing. But Velinor throwed a lighting and the lighting destroyed the shield. The slann throwed a laser ray but it went trhough Velinor and didnt hurted him. Velinor laughed and throwed a comet, and the comet destoryed the slann.

Everyone were screaming. No!!! The slann coudnt die! It was imposible! But then the dwarf and the dark elf decided to fight together agaisnt Velnior because it was the only way to kill him. While Velinor was killing lots and lots of poeple every where with his magic, they attack him from behind. The fight lasted for an other 2 hours because both Velinor and the dwarf and the dark elf were very good at fighting. But after 2 hours the dwarf was killed by Velinor with his best spell.

The dark elf, who was in fact Hanzin Lhorde, was angry.
"NOOO!!!" he yell. "You slayed my freind!"

He hit Velinor with his weapon with all his strenght, and Velinor exploded in ten millions sparks.
"I will come back" he said! "I am immortal!"

Hanzin Lhrode becamed a hero for saving Rezephua and all dark elfs and dwarfs becamed allies folowing this story but everyone were sad that the slann was dead. Hanzin Lhorde sweared that the next time Velinor come back to Rezpehua he would make him pay for his evil killing of the slann and the dwarf who had becomed his freind.

I love it! Wonderful ^^

The following is a mix of regular action fanfic and lemon fanfic.

Warning: I decline all responsibility if reading this causes you to rip your own eyes out.

---

Bloddy sun-set in Rezephua


It was sun-set. Vittroia Veleno was in a tavren as usual and she was playing cards and getting drunked with tough guys and gangters. She winned a lot of money becasue she cheated. But then a man sawed her cheating and he scream:
"I sawed you cheating, bitch!"
"Prove it stupid moran, Vittoria said!

Then the man attack her with a swrod, but miss because she was too fast for him even when she's drunked. So then, with her own sword, she smile and cut his head with a lot of blood. The man's freinds were angry at her, and they attack her too, but she kill them all easyly. Every one were scared but impress. Then Galvark the tempest yell:
"I'll kill you, you kill my borther!!!" because one of the guy Vittoria kill was an orc and also Galvark's brother.

So Galvark jumped to her with a waepon but she knocked down the orc with a kungfu hit.
Its a bloddy sun-set, she think but she liked it.

Becasue she was so sexy the mods decided to edit the story because the awful writing and awful sex scene that followed made him want to rip out his eyes and then he would be dead.

"Lololololol," said the mod.

(Seriously, though, that ending was....I need to pour bleach all over my brain now.)

.

send us a copy of that sentinel - i want to find out what would cause LoNC to pull out his own eyes :)

...

Why, Sentinel?

Just why.

D-did LONC censor what I think he censored. Because if he did then... then...


It's no use, the very idea of what it could have been is too horrible to contemplate. In fact I feel strangely violated just knowing it involved one of my characters.

Actually, it (thankfully) did NOT involve Galvrak. Although I can't decide if that would have been better or worse...

Dare I ask who it did involve, or am I better-off not knowing?

*Cough* A Beastman *cough*

......

(Goes off to pour bleach all over his brain)

Okay, you see Sentinel, this is an example of a pairing that WOULDN'T hurt our brains-- er, I mean, NO! NO NO NO NO! No lemon fics! And by that extent, no doujinshi, and DEFINITELY no slash fics! Even if said slash fic DOES involve Zarabeth and Lekina....er, I mean...

Oh look! (Turns and runs like hell when Spire's back is turned)

Okay, maybe LoNC was right to intervene... :unsure: I promise I'll write no more lemon. But anyway I thankfully didn't go into any amount of details; I'd have been banned outright if I had.

Feel free to post your own crappy fanfic. It's easy and fun! :D

Sentinel the ending that was censored seriously made me fall off my chair laughing, good job. :lol:

I don't need to use bleach for my brain or eyes, I need to repair my funny bone. :P

EDIT: (I read the complete story before it got edited and censored but I didn't have the time to post then.)

This is a collective story: I begin it, and I let other members continue it.



The Norsian Raid


It was a beuatiful morning in Razephua. Morein Fire-heart was waked up and he was taking his braekfast with his marcenaries aboard the Talon. The elf was thinking that it would be a good day.
"Give me the salt" he said at Alianna as he eated his food.

Sudenly a sentinel yell that 4 ships were aproaching the city and the ships had the flag of Gorthrand the Killer who was the dangerousest norsian pirate of all the sea of the world. The sauruses prepared for combatting the norsians but they were too slow becasue the pirates were allready shooting thier big cannons to the direction of Razephua. Many temples were destoryed in just a few secnods and a lot of people were slewed.

"Prepare to angage" Morien scream at his elfs, grinly sizing his big axe.

The Talon attacked the pirates and sunked one of their ship. But Gortrhrand himself jump on the Talon with his huge hammer and he butcher 6 marcenaries very easyly.
"Oh no!!! The bastard wound Alianna!!!! some body yell because Alianna was gravously hurt. But the person who had yell was killed by the big norsian.


Next... --->

then the big norsian kill more people and the slan loourde chilee was forced to hiht him with lightnings and then the big norsian was slewed 2.

Next... --->

Then their wsa a laouhg loff laghf snigre as choili turnes to see tha tit was onle a pupptet nto the norsian! morie nfieheart feeled the press of clod steel on his neck as the norsian hold the nnife to his neck! The norsian sniggred agin and sayed to chile, whatare yougoing to do i have yuor besst warrior! Chili sneered and said back you fool, it is an elf an everbody nnows i hate efls! mroin's eyes widenede as he felt the norsian slit his throat with the nnife and evrthing went black as e fell to the ground ...

Then Chyleee says lawl and hit the norsian wth litenihng but ti wuz a pupept two! tehn the reel norsian saysed ha nuw i gots bersa waht do you going to do chilee?

then chlli gets mad an shuts IMMA FIRIN MAH MAGIC an blows up th bserker an bursa but then te bserker mrphs into a bldthrster! an he kld lotsa saurus an it luked like rezepwa was gonna be dstryed

(Next)

chile stood up from his fron (cos he is alwayzz sitin down) and raised his fists in clenched 2 fite. He ran at the bludfirster and kikked him very hard in the fase, which hurt much cos chill is sooopa strong (cos of the years of trainin and magik).


(changed the norseman to a blood thirster, cos LONC just got in first :D )

an so chili and the bloothrster fought an for a while the 2 were battling it out but then the bloodthirster punched chili down and laughed "hahaha you cannot defeat me frog i am invincible"

but ten tehexhi showed up and thru his pebbel at te demon it did nthing and the demon turned and chopped tehexi in 2 bt ten chili hit the blothirster n the face and knocked it al te way into te jungle

(next)

and tehn thee jngle sayed hi an athunr lizerd came and kiled the bludthirsteyr and tehn he usedz his thiem macheene to put rezpehau bak twogeethr

This is soooo horrible to read. Loving it though, in a weird, masochistic way! :P

Perhaps going a bit overboard... It's no longer believable enough to be funny.

I believe the phrase "When you play with fire...." comes to mind.

Yeah I know it's great isn't it.

Does this mean I can lock this abomination of a thread now? Please?

Making it die actually doesn't sound like a bad idea at this stage. :P

I hath killed it.

THREAD KILLED.