The following have all genuinely appeared in church magazines:



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Next weekend's Fasting & Prayer Conference in Whitby includes all meals.

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Sunday morning sermon: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'

Sunday evening sermon: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love.

Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The school drama group will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church hall on Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'

:D

When I was in the US a couple of weeks ago I passed a church which displayed a sign saying

'Google can't satisfy every search'.

Was it one of these...

:lol:

Thats brilliant!

:lol:

:lol:

Quality.

:haha:

:haha: :haha:

:haha:

:haha:

Back on topic

:lol:

:lol:

I love how Cripps and GP don't actually aknowledge each others existance but snipe at each other indirectly.

No idea what youre talking about tbh :shrug:

:haha:

I tell you who are twats.
Jains.
:good:

:unsure:

What's with the racial hatred?

:doh:

You said how GP and Cripps don't acknowledge each other but snipe at each other so I...


Oh never mind.

*sigh*

:getcoat:


"racial hatred", btw? 'ave a word... :doh:

Racist

*tut*


:getcoat:

Cripps and GP are the same person.

I forgot you could see IPs now.

I think thats the biggest insult ever on here.

You should fall on your sword tbh.

Be stripped as well.

of mod status as well

And be beheaded and crucified

Ahhh fuck it :(

:lol:

As a Jain, I think CK should issue a fatwah on Letters, considering Jains are all for non-violence.

:haha:

Wouldn't that make CK Tarzan?

:haha:


Very good :D

Cheers from me and LMG :angry:

Not that type :hug:



They're drunkards.

Yeah I might marry one

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XwFLgBKK6ug[/YOUTUBE]

too right church rocks!!